Day 29...I want my mom!

Feb 17

I had a mild fever all night last night and to top it off, we've been watching the first season of "My name is Earl" on netflix so I went to bed thinking about Earls stupid list, and had weird feverish, delusional dreams about it all night.

One of the things on my "list"...this morning I had turned over with my back to Martyn in the bed and needed to keep the cover pulled tight in front so it wouldn't lay on his face. That was on my list in my dreams....Dreams are so strange and funny like that.

I felt awful today. Martyn is a bit congested, but it doesn't seem to be too bad on him. I was all paranoid about it and took his temperature twice today. He's fine.

I did have to force myself to get up and leave the house, to meet up with a nice girl and buy a moby wrap from her for $20, which was exciting and annoying at the same time. Exciting because now I'll be able to get more done around the house, with both hands, but still be able to have the baby with me all the time. Annoying because I felt like crap and would rather have kept sleeping in the chair with the baby on my chest, than get up and get myself and Martyn together to go for a little excursion.

It's hard caring for a little one, though when they are this little (4 weeks today) it's not so bad. Martyn isn't overly fussy, he pretty much only fusses when 1. he's hungry (which has been a lot lately, like ever hour and he wants both sides) 2. he's wet or poopy (which I can almost guarantee he will be immediately after he eats) 3. he has a burp (which I've learned the signs pretty well now and have gotten better at catching) or 4. he's tired. Usually, I can get him to right to sleep by putting him to the boob, but sometimes he's stubborn and fights sleep. But when he goes to sleep, he is out...mostly.

That said, he's pretty easy to care for and it's so worth it to me, to be able to just love him. But being sick myself today, and trying to care for him at the same time proved to be difficult. Even though I hardly got off the chair all day.

When I feel really sick and miserable from it, I always really miss my mom. I remember the first time I got really sick after I had moved away from home. I called my mom up on the phone and cried to her about being sick, and how I wished she could comfort me and "make it all better". I felt like doing that today.

Having my own son now, really brings that feeling of "I want my mom!" into perspective. Not that I ever want my son to suffer, but I know he will at some point in his life...I hope that I am able to comfort him in his times of distress, both as a little kid and an adult. Many times I've been distressed, and a simple phone call from or to my mom made me feel better. How do moms do that? I don't quite know yet, but I'm learning. I love comforting my baby, though it can be hard sometimes....I can't even imagine how I'll feel in comforting him when HE is sick, or sad, or broken hearted.

I just hope and pray that I'll be there for him as much as possible. I love him more than anything.