Day 99....finally broke down

Apr 28

Well I did it. I broke down and called the doctor, I have an appointment on Tuesday morning. I felt awful today, and still do.

My day was kind of busy at work, but I still found time to day dream and just miss my baby. It seems like it's kind of finally hitting me. Last week wasn't so bad, and this week hasn't been bad as far as missing the baby. But I do really miss him. I think part of my woe is just that I'm not feeling physically well, and that's kind of affecting my whole mental outlook.

It's so nice, in the mornings when Martyn is not going anywhere, I can get up and let him stay in bed for a few minutes while I'm getting ready...he can stay in his pj's and I don't have to figure out what to put him in. This morning I was able to get all the way dressed, and ready in the bathroom, before I even got him out of bed. He woke up on his own pace, which didn't take too long because he was missing me in the bed. He wasn't fussy, and when he finally did wake up all the way, he just laid in bed and watched me until I picked him up...and he was really smiley.

Eli made me breakfast, and he fixed my lunch for me this morning. What a blessing!

Poor guy, I know I can be demanding sometimes, and bossy too. Usually in the mornings, once I'm up and dressed, I'm up. I may be tired, but generally can think pretty clearly. Eli is not like that. It takes him several hours to wake up and be able to think clearly, if he isn't going to work. Maybe it has to do with getting dressed or something like that.

I'll be giving orders, and he's trying to keep up with them but getting frustrated because he's not all the way awake. But he puts up with it.....like I said, what a blessing!

When I got home tonight, Eli was standing in the middle of the living room, holding Martyn. Both were looking a bit frazzled. Eli said Martyn had just been screaming his head off, until he saw my car pull up in the driveway and then he quieted right down. Eli handed him off to me and I just held him. He felt so good to me! He didn't squirm or anything like that, he just wanted mama to hold him, too. I have barely put him down since I got home at 4:30.....I just love him so much. I sat on the floor with him and played for a little while. Sheba came over and helped me clean him up when he spit up all over himself a couple times.....she's such a good dog.

Well, dinner is ready now so I better get.