Day 126...feeling a little home sick

May 25

This morning at work, I was taking a part across the lot the other shop. It was raining, like it often does here in OR, just a nice drizzle. It smelled good like spring time, and wet pavement...and made me feel suddenly homesick for Alaska.

I haven't felt like that very often, since I've lived in Oregon. I like it here, and I want to be here, close to my sister, and close to Eli's parents...but once in a while, I will have a flash of summer time in Alaska, and get an awful pang of homesickness. It's weird.

Last night, Eli and I were talking about the good adventures we had as kids...due a great deal to the environment we both grew up in. The woods. He grew up in the woods more so than I did, but I had my fair share of adventures in the near by woods. I certainly didn't live in the heart of the city (even if I had, it was Anchorage for goodness sake....not a huge amount going on there in the late 80's and early 90's when I lived there).

I want Martyn to be able to have a good childhood like both Eli and I did. I mean we had problems, like any person does....some big and some small, but over all we both had a fantastic childhood, and it was because of where we lived. I want Martyn to have adventures in the woods, and with his friends.

I don't want him to grow up as a "city kid". Those kids, when I see them now, just break my heart for the loss of common sense that often seems to follow growing up in the city....Many people who grew up in the city, I'm sure would object to that. I don't want to project onto my son, mine or Eli's childhood. I do want to make sure he's able to have fun adventures, and learn about nature...I had the opportunity as a child to grow up around horses, which was a great deal part of the reason I had so much fun, and grand adventures.

I don't know that I can give that to Martyn, but I hope so. I would much rather him be a farm boy, than a city kid. Right now, he's a suburben-ite, which I also would rather him not be.

The goal, is to get ourselves into a place where we can buy a house on some land....and raise our kids. Last night Eli was talking about having another baby, and I said "Really? because I want to have another baby, but when you talk like that to me, I'm not sure if you're serious or not...." He gave me a hug and kiss, and looked into my eyes and said, "yes I'm serious. I want to have another baby with you..." Man, I have such a wonderful husband!

There was a time when I thought I would never hear Eli say that....I was convinced he only wanted one baby, and I was going to have to convince him through certain methods of girlie persuasion, that we should have more than one. I'm glad I'll not have to use my girle powers on him....I try not to most of the time, I would much rather us just agree with each other and work together as a team. (I do mean that, but I'm smiling, thinking about my 'girle powers', it reminds me of a line from the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, where the mom says to Tula, "The man may be the head of the family, but the woman is the neck...and she can turn the head any way she wants!")

Not yet though. I am still healing from my pregnancy with Martyn....that sounds bad, like I had a really hard time. What I mean is, it's just good for the body to be fully recovered from pregnancy and birth, before getting pregnant again. I'm also breast feeding, and it seems like it would be really hard on the body, to build a baby through blood, while it's still building one through milk. I already have to eat like 500 extra calories a day, just to keep up with milk production and that's really hard for me. If I had to do that, and the extra 300 calories a day you need to take in while pregnant, my goodness, I would just never stop eating, ha!

It just makes me feel good to know that my dear husband, loves his son and wants more kids in the future.