Day 120....wrap your head around this

May 19

What a beautiful, sun-shiney day! My goodness! That always is nice. It was nice to be able to take my hoodie off for nearly the entire day, and not get chilled in the shop, or in my office like I sometimes do.

Nice relaxing day at work for the most part. We had a silly shop meeting, which was kind of boring, but actually pretty good I thought. I'm really working on improving the quality of work I do there. I want to do a good job.

The whole time I've been back to work, I've had a hard time getting my head wrapped around the idea that I'm back to work full time. Things were going pretty well with my nanny lady, I really liked her....and I really liked that Eli was taking care of Martyn too.

Today, I got an email from my nanny lady that she can no longer watch Martyn, she got offered a stay at home office job through her husbands company, and it would be too much of a work load to do that, and care for both Martyn and her little daughter.

I totally understand, and if I were here I would choose the same thing. She's gotta do for her family what she needs to.

Well shoot. Now what?

Now I guess, I find another baby sitter. Which is lame, but I'm not nearly as freaked out about it, as I was before I went back to work. She's giving me a couple weeks, not just leaving me hanging, which I really appreciate.

All these ideas started running through my head this afternoon though, after getting that email. Like, maybe now I could stay home...or maybe I should go to school....Eli and I talked about it tonight on a walk, and I talked to my sister later in the evening and had a sort of moment of clarity.

I want to go to school, and I want to become a midwife. But this year, I want to smack down the debt that Eli and I have. So I will stay working, we'll find another baby sitter, and between the two of us, we're going to do some damage to our debt....in a year, we'll re-evaluate going to school...and possibly during this year, I'll start taking a class here and there to get up my pre-requisites for the midwifery college. Also I want to learn Spanish, and I think this is the year.

It feels good to get that all out in the open...and worked out (or at least starting to work out) in my head. More to say on the matter later, I'm sure.